


Hundreds of Confessions (Without Success)

by Anonymous



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-09-03 00:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8690086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The first time Naruto confessed to Sasuke they were eight. Sasuke thought Naruto was an idiot, and Naruto thought that Sasuke was the best friend he'd ever had.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I promised S this fic months upon months ago and just now ran into the draft while I was saving a new fic on my docs. I'm sorry, S. I hope you find the fic enjoyable enough that you forgive me.

The first time Naruto confessed to Sasuke they were eight. Naruto's smile was wide and gap toothed, his hair wild and untamed like a golden halo around his head. Sasuke thought Naruto was an idiot, and Naruto thought that Sasuke was the best friend he'd ever had. The boys were inseparable, always together in the classroom and in the playground.

"Sakura Haruno has a crush on you," Naruto mumbled. He was hanging precariously from the monkey bars, hair shot straight down and pointing at the ground. 

Sasuke, also hanging upside down turned his head to stare at Naruto's red sweaty face. "Are you mad?" 

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and pouted, the effect made slightly comical considering his current position. "No."

"I know you like her."

"I like Sasuke best," Naruto insisted. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes and carelessly dropped down, his feet landing firmly in the sandy earth below. 

"It's true! Sakura is cute, but Sasuke is special. I like Sasuke best and I don't wanna share," Naruto's eyes were tightly screwed shut and Sasuke asked himself for the hundredth time why he was friends with someone so silly. 

Sasuke stared at Naruto's grumpy pout in mild amusement before flicking his forehead with a surprisingly loud pop. For a second, Sasuke thought Naruto would lose his balance with how hard he jerked back.

"Ow!" Naruto glared at Sasuke while he rubbed his aching forehead. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes at Naruto's theatrics before letting out what can only be considered a small giggle, "You're dumb."

-

Naruto didn't allude to 'liking' Sasuke again for several years, and with the passage of time Sasuke forgot that time when they were eight years old. 

At thirteen years old Naruto was going through his awkward stage while Sasuke, the lucky bastard, looked like he belonged in a teen vogue spread. Naruto tried to ignore his rising feelings of attraction, he reasoned that he was entering puberty, and they taught him in school that this was a time of hormonal upheaval. He told himself that he was confused, that he didn't like Sasuke in that way. That what had been feelings of affection for his first real friend weren't changing to feelings of attraction. Naruto wasn't even sure if he was gay. Wasn't even sure if he wanted to be. He'd seen the snide way students in school talked about gays...he didn't want to be gay- not if it meant being treated that way.

Naruto wasn't the only one that was attracted to Sasuke either, something that made an ugly feeling churn in his stomach, Sasuke was extremely popular with girls. Naruto understood why, Sasuke was smart, athletic and good looking. Sure he wasn't very polite, and he didn't exactly smile all that often either, but it gave him a sort of appeal that the girls in class called 'bad boy charm.' So, Naruto did what any friend who wasn't hopelessly crushing on their best friend would do. He teased Sasuke mercilessly. 

"What does that make it?" Naruto asked, watching as Sasuke walked away from a shocked Ino Yamanaka. "The fifth confession you've received this week? And, it’s only Wednesday!"

"Shut up idiot," Sasuke said not even mustering the will to glare at Naruto. They were outside, the day was cloudy and sticky, making Naruto's face shiny with pubescent oils and perspiration. Sasuke looked perfect, to Naruto's eternal annoyance. 

Naruto's face split into a wide grin, his teeth were pearly white and perfectly straight, his smile was almost blinding. "Aw don't be like that Sasuke," Naruto leaned all of his weight on Sasuke's arm, clinging to it so tightly that Sasuke was forced to grab his hand in order to loosen his grip. He stared down at Naruto's bright blue eyes, so much bluer than the sky above them, and frowned at the mirth he saw there. Naruto hadn’t even said anything yet, but years of friendship had taught Sasuke to be wary of that smile.

"Whatever you are going to say-"

If possible Naruto's smile got even wider, his eyes crinkling completely shut, Sasuke had a flashback to the first time he met Naruto- five years old with a smile too wide for his face.  "Let's make it six confessions, huh, Sasuke?"

Sasuke who had been loosely holding Naruto's hand suddenly found his hand grasped in a vice like grip. Naruto brought their intertwined fingers up to his chest and Sasuke glared at the giggling students in the courtyard unabashedly staring in their direction. Naruto's other hand curled around their clasped hands and all Sasuke could think was that it was too hot and humid to be holding hands like this- especially, when the person he was holding hands with had such warm and sweaty palms.

Naruto leaned forward, and Sasuke swore he could feel the hard rapid thudding of Naruto's heart before he was distracted by the feel of Naruto's breath hitting his face. Sasuke looked down to see rosy cheeks and shit eating grin.

"I like you, Sasuke."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed on Naruto's face, he deliberately ignored the swooping sensation in his stomach and used his free hand to shove Naruto's face away from his own in one fast motion. Naruto stumbled back and let out a loud cackle, finally releasing Sasuke's hand only to place his arm around his shoulder. Sasuke noticed that Naruto had to stand on his toes to accomplish this and smirked to himself.

"You're no fun, Sasuke," Naruto whined, steering Sasuke in the direction of their classroom. Sasuke scoffed, using his foot to trip Naruto into falling forward in a mess of clumsy limbs.

"Don't be late to class, idiot," Sasuke said, hands in pockets as he walked away to the sound of Naruto cursing him to an early grave. If Sasuke let a small smile grace his face no one was the wiser. 

-

At fifteen Naruto had grown out of his awkward phase, he was taller, his shoulders were broader, his jaw was sharper but his smile (still too wide) remained the same. Naruto still teased Sasuke about all the female attention he received, but now Sasuke was ready with a list of all the people attracted to Naruto, girls and boys alike. Sasuke had an inkling as to why Naruto blushed harder at the boys names, but Naruto never addressed it so Sasuke never mentioned it.  

They were still inseparable, except now they didn't talk while hanging upside down from monkey bars, instead they talked while stargazing on rooftops.

Sasuke's rooftop wasn't very high up and close to the sky, but Naruto didn't seem to mind. It had quickly become their favorite place to be.

"What are you gonna do about college?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know," Sasuke answered honestly. Graduation was a little less than two years away and he still had no idea what he was going to do with his life, he didn't want to admit that the future scared him. "I was thinking I might study Criminal Justice...maybe I could be a cop like my old man."

"A cop?" Naruto laughed. Sasuke turned his head to glare at Naruto only to be met with a warm pair of blue eyes, Naruto's face was angled in his direction and a gentle amused smile rested on his lips. 

"What?" Sasuke asked, just the tiniest bit ticked off at being laughed at.

"It's nothing, you would be a great cop, you'd be great at anything though. I just wasn't expecting you to say that...you don't have the temperament for a cop."

Sasuke stared at Naruto's profile even as the other returned his gaze up to the stars up above. "The temperament..."

"I think I'll be a social worker," Naruto murmurs a few beats later. They don't really talk about Naruto's status as a ward of the state, Naruto had been lucky enough to have a wonderful case worker named Iruka who never displaced Naruto by moving him from county to county but still, Naruto felt his lack of a family acutely.

"I think you'll be a great social worker," Sasuke said offering up a small smile that he reserves for private moments like this. Naruto misses it however, too busy connecting the dots in the sky.

"Sasuke-"

"Naruto-"

"Uh," Naruto laughs. "You first."

"No it's okay, you said my name first so it's only fair."

"Yeah by like a second," Naruto side eyes Sasuke before taking a deep breath and staring intently at the sky. "IthinkI'mgay."

It took Sasuke a second to process Naruto's quick mumble but when he did he raised a dark eyebrow and turned fully, resting his head on his wrist and staring down at his closest friend.

"So I guess you won't be taking Hinata to prom," Sasuke said, Naruto released a giant breath and his whole body seemed to relax into the floor. Naruto's smile was small and relaxed when he turned to stare at Sasuke.

"I mean I might still take her, she's a good friend..."

"She likes you, don't lead her on," Sasuke frowned.

"I would explain first!" Naruto pouted.

"No, stupid! It doesn't work like that," Sasuke flicked Naruto's forehead gently. "She would probably still hope."

"Ugh...it's not fair, it's not like I can just ask out who I like," Naruto's frown was small but petulant. Despite growing two feet and several inches, Naruto still looked like that five year old kid Sasuke first met every single time he frowned. 

"Who is it?" Sasuke asked, not thinking deeply into the question until he noticed Naruto's hesitation. 

"You."

The world seemed to stop spinning for a second, all the sounds seemed to dull and converge into that one word. Sasuke let his eyes trail over Naruto's face, he wasn't blushing like the girls that had confessed to Sasuke in the past, he wasn't fidgeting with nerves or anticipation, he didn't even seem to be waiting with bated breath. Instead Naruto's face remained relaxed and open, his lips always smiling were still slightly parted on the final vowels of the word  _ you _ , his eyes met Sasuke's calmly and Sasuke felt something pierce at his heart and light a fire through his system before settling heavy in his stomach. 

Sasuke realized that he'd been quietly staring at Naruto for several seconds and released a puff of breath that could almost pass for a laugh. Almost, not quite. Instead it sounded like a nervous exhale, even to his own ears. Sasuke smiled, a fake smile, one he'd never had to use with Naruto before and flicked Naruto's forehead for the second time that night.

"You're crazy!" Sasuke's voice was playful, a facade for sure, but he'd at least regained his senses enough for it to seem realistic. "Fine, you idiot. I won't ask anymore."

Naruto smiled, and Sasuke's heart did the strangest thing at the amused tilt of his lips. "You dumbass...you scared me!" Sasuke glared, he was determined to believe Naruto was joking, even  _ considering _ the alternative seemed strange.

Naruto snorted, his smile widening so Sasuke could see the smallest flash of teeth. "It's really you. I'm telling the truth."

"Stop it!" Sasuke shoved at Naruto's shoulder, in a poor imitation of all the other light-hearted shoves he'd given him in his life. From the outside Sasuke knew their interaction looked like any other they'd had the last ten years of their friendship, but he prayed that Naruto wouldn't be able to pick up the slight tremor in his hands.

Naruto laughed, one of his quiet laughs, the one Sasuke  _ knew _ was reserved for them and hit Sasuke's arm out from under his head causing Sasuke to fall forward into Naruto's chest. 

"Naruto! You fucking-" 

The conversation wasn't exactly forgotten but it was ignored in favor of beating each other senseless in the name of camaraderie. 

-

Naruto got his first boyfriend towards the end of junior year. A green eyed ginger named Gaara. Sasuke hated the guy on sight, but Naruto swore the dude shat rainbows so Sasuke learned to tolerate him. The entire summer after junior year was a list of cancelled plans, third wheeling, and when he finally managed to hang out with Naruto alone it was all _ Gaara this _ and  _ Gaara that.  _ Sasuke could happily kick Gaara's face in.

Gaara made Naruto smile in ways that not even Sasuke had managed, understood Naruto at a base level while sometimes Sasuke felt like he barely scratched the surface. It also didn't help that Gaara was obsessed with being near Naruto, he was always touching him, usually just holding his hand, but sometimes it was a possessive arm thrown over the other boy's shoulder and one time even a kiss. After that first kiss Sasuke had thrown such a huge fit over the small public display of affection that Naruto had banned Gaara from kissing him in public. Sasuke slept better because of it.

"It's the first year of senior year and we are not walking to school together?"

"Gaara's driving me," Naruto said. They were talking on the phone because that seemed to be the only way that Naruto could fit in Sasuke into his Gaara filled schedule.

"But it's tradition...we've been walking together on the first day of school since we were six," Sasuke argued. He refused to admit that he sounded whiny and jealous.

"Gaara can drive us both then," Naruto said placatingly.

"What the fuck? Naruto that's not the point," Sasuke snapped.

"Then what is the point? You are being ridiculous!"

"Whenever we hang out Gaara's always there!"

"Yeah! He's my boyfriend!"

"And? I'm your best friend!" Even to Sasuke's ears, boyfriend didn't have as much weight as best friend.

"Why are you being like this? Is it because we are both guys? Is that why you are so uncomfortable around us?" Sasuke felt his stomach clench at the hurt tone of Naruto's voice.

"That's not it..."

"No? Then what is it then, Sasuke? Are you jealous?" Naruto's tone was so placating and gentle that Sasuke felt himself deflate.

"No...I don't know..." Sasuke sighed. "Maybe?"

Naruto was quiet in the other end of the line before he said in a really quiet voice, "don't do this. You don't mean that."

"I'm sorry, I just- I don't know? I miss you."

"Ok." Naruto said, Sasuke could hear the fortifying breath the other boy took. "Ok...I'll text Gaara about not driving me to school that day..."

"Good," Sasuke said.

"You're a bastard, you know?" Naruto said, but it sounded more like a term of endearment than an insult.

"Yeah, you've mentioned."

"I'll see you then, I guess."

Sasuke didn't even say goodbye before ending the call. Was he jealous? One of Sasuke's most unappealing traits was his ability to be selfish in his pursuits and possessive of others. Naruto was always great about dealing with the more unsavory sides of Sasuke's personality, that's why he was one of Sasuke's only friends. Sure, Sasuke had acquaintances but he'd never been close to anyone the way he was close to Naruto. His bond with Naruto was unmatched in any other bond Sasuke had. He was closer to Naruto than to his family. Naruto was the one constant thing in his life. No matter what messed up thing Sasuke did or said Naruto would always forgive him. He was used to being the center of Naruto's universe, he was used to being able to look to his side and seeing Naruto there, and not having Naruto there constantly was upsetting his rhythm. Yeah...that's all it was.

Sasuke let himself remember all the times Naruto had confessed to liking him, and he wondered if perhaps underneath all the joking and bravado that had ever been true. Sasuke imagines how different his life would be if he had accepted his joking confessions. If maybe he had taken him seriously that time in the rooftop, if maybe he had leaned down and let lips meet smiling lips. Would their relationship have changed for the better? He couldn't say that he was happy with the current distance between them, but if he had the chance to take it further than friendship would he take it? If Naruto was to tell him he was in love with him would Sasuke be able to return his feelings? Sure, Sasuke loved Naruto, he'd take a bullet for him but...Sasuke has never even contemplated his sexuality before. Is Sasuke even gay? Can he even love Naruto in that way?

Sasuke let himself imagine what it would be like. Naruto was always very physically affectionate, and they had held hands until they were seven. Sasuke remembers how Naruto's sticky with candy lips felt against his cheeks. To this day Naruto didn't shy away from hugging Sasuke. Would it drastically change their relationship if they added holding hands and kissing to it? Sasuke was starting to realize that it really wouldn't and that realization made something ache in his chest. Sasuke wasn't one to initiate touches but he thought that maybe he wouldn't mind it if it meant getting closer to Naruto. 

Sasuke was seventeen and he'd never even been kissed, he wouldn't particularly mind if his first kiss was his best friend. In fact he'd consider himself lucky to share such a special moment with someone he trusts so much. 

"Well...it's all moot anyway," Sasuke mumbled to himself. "He has a boyfriend."

-

Naruto and Gaara's relationship came at a mutually agreed upon culmination a few weeks before graduation. They almost made it to the year mark, but the looming threat of college and the daunting idea of making a long distance relationship work strained their relationship enough that they decided to end it before anyone had the chance to get hurt. Sasuke had to pretend like he wasn't immensely relieved when he found out that Naruto was single. And then after that he had to carefully avoid asking himself why he was even relieved in the first place. 

With graduation quickly approaching Sasuke had a lot of things on his plate, college applications, prom, what he was gonna do now that he realized he maybe didn't harbor just friendly feelings for his best friend. He'd had months to come to terms with his big gay realization, but of course it happened while he was busy applying for scholarships and declaring a major. Sometimes everything that was going on made it easy to ignore his rising attraction towards Naruto.

Of course, thinking about it was unavoidable. Especially once everyone started talking about who they were going to be inviting to prom. Sasuke wondered if Naruto would take Gaara even though they were technically over and hoped selfishly that Naruto would choose to go alone. But, Sasuke didn't like following that train of thought, it lead him down a road that he wasn't quite ready to face. While he had always known he loved Naruto and was currently coming to terms with the fact that he was attracted to him, he wasn't quite ready to accept the very real (and highly likely) possibility that he was in love with his childhood friend. 

Yet, he couldn't quite ignore the awful tender feelings that bloomed in his chest whenever Naruto so much as breathed near him. He was seeing things in an entirely new light, Naruto's smile which had seem so bright before became his sunshine. Naruto's hair so untamed and ridiculous made Sasuke want to do something ridiculous, like comb his fingers through it for example. It was unbearable. Sasuke was not a soft person, yet it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that he was soft for Naruto. Naruto had always smoothed his edges, so really Sasuke shouldn't be surprised.

-

"You really did take Hinata to prom," Sasuke said, when he noticed Naruto's presence. He sat up from where he was lying staring up at the night sky, and Naruto took that as an invitation to join him by sitting on the ground next to him.

"Yeah," Naruto smiled. "She's a good friend."

Naruto turned his head to stare at Sasuke. Even wearing an unflattering rented suit he still looked stunning, his black hair combed for once, his dark almond shaped eyes narrowed and pensive, Naruto would go as far as to call him breathtaking. "Why'd you leave early?"

A few seconds passed and it was clear to Naruto that Sasuke wasn't planning on answering his question. The truth was that Sasuke had grown exhausted of watching Naruto smile at someone that wasn’t him. So, Sasuke had bid his date Sakura an early goodnight and walked all the way home.

"Do you remember two years ago on this rooftop when you told me you liked me?"

"Yes," Naruto looked uncomfortable, and the idea of upsetting Naruto was so distasteful that Sasuke considered changing the subject. But, he needed to know- so he asked.

"Did you mean it?"

Naruto paused and Sasuke counted the seconds with every loud beat of his heart. Nearly thirty of Sasuke's thudding heartbeats later, Naruto nodded. 

"Yeah."

Sasuke inhaled sharply, and if he had been anyone other than himself he thinks he would have started crying at all the wasted time and opportunities. "I've been calling you an idiot for years but this whole time the only idiot here has been me."

"Sasuke-"

"Let me finish," Naruto fell silent. Staring at the floor in front of him with a frown on his face. "I...am such an idiot. This entire time I have been so oblivious. How many times did you tell me? And I just kept ignoring you thinking you were kidding and now you are in love with Gaara...I missed my shot. All because I apparently have no fucking clue how to read you. Some best friend I am."

"Sasuke-"

"Naruto, I am sorry," Naruto had never heard Sasuke sounding so defeated, it broke his heart. "I'm sorry to burden you with this, but I'm in love with you."

Naruto stilled. 

"I've been in love with you for god knows how long. I've been in love with you for so long that these feelings seemed normal to me, I love you, I'm probably never going to say these words ever again, nobody will ever hear me say I love you but you. But Naruto, you need to understand, I am in love with you, and I'm sorry. I am so sorry, without even knowing it I pushed you away. Oh god, I've probably hurt you. Naruto, I'm so-"

"If you apologize one more time I'll punch you right in the face," Naruto said, his voice was shaky and Sasuke's eyes which had been firmly trained on the ground by Naruto's feet snapped up to glance at Naruto's expression. He looked angry, there was a frustrated pinch to his face that Sasuke wasn't used to seeing and it made him feel like shit to know that he had been the one to put it there.

Naruto leaned forward and raised his hand. Sasuke flinched back his eyes screwing shut, as he wondered if he had finally done something to upset Naruto enough to slap him. But instead Naruto's hand landed gently on his cheek and the warmth of Naruto's breath on his lips right as he called him a  _ fucking idiot _ was the only warning he got before he was kissed.

Naruto's lips were chapped yet gentle as they pressed against Sasuke's own and Sasuke not one to be undone nipped Naruto's lips as an invitation. Naruto smirked against Sasuke's lips before leaning back and punching Sasuke, hard, on the shoulder. Whatever post kiss bliss Sasuke was going to experience flied out the window.

"You're an asshole," Naruto said.

"I know."

"And a dumbass."

"Yeah."

"I love Gaara-"

"I know," Sasuke frowned.

"Can you shut up and let me finish?" Naruto rolled his eyes, too fed up to even wait for Sasuke to properly be quiet before continuing where he left off. "I love Gaara, I will always love Gaara. But loving Gaara doesn't mean I ever stopped loving you. You are the love of my life, sure the timing could be better, (way to go, by the way, on confessing a week before graduation) but still- I have loved you for as long as I can remember. Sure, I wasn't in love with you that entire time and I didn't even like you as a person a lot of times because you are kind of a dick, but I always have and always will love you. There's no me without you, stupid. Literally all of my memories somehow have you in them it’s really freaking annoying actually. I've tried not being in love with you ever since I realized I liked you as more than a friend but it’s so fucking hard...and I am tired to be honest, I just...I will have you in any way you want me. And if you are in love with me, if you are serious about going down this road with me then just know that I love you, ugh gross fuck."

Sasuke snorted. Naruto looked like he rather dig his own grave than keep spewing corny nonsense. 

"Fuck you Sasuke! I fucking hate you, you suck."

"I mean I could if you wanted me to," Sasuke said, just to enjoy watching Naruto's eyes go round as saucers.

"Get lost! Bastard!"

"You love me though?"

"I lied, I hate you."

Naruto covered his red face with his hands and Sasuke watched in amusement as even his ears and neck grew red.

"This is so embarrassing, I'll kill you," Naruto threatened, the effect was ruined by how muffled and whiny his voice sounded through his hands.

"As if you ever could?" Sasuke taunted. "You couldn't even leave a scratch on my forehead."

Naruto peeked through his eyes at Sasuke's infuriatingly cocky remark.

"You little tit-"

"I'm taller than you."

"-I'l fucking show you."

Naruto launched himself at Sasuke and their rough housing was exactly the same as always, except that it culminated in kisses.  Sasuke wondered why he ever thought that their relationship would change if they started dating. 

"Do you mean it though?" Naruto asked a while later, an uncharacteristically insecure tone in his voice.

"Yeah," Sasuke said simply.

"Ok, good. Because that was corny as fuck let’s never do that again."

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimers...of sorts:
> 
> 1\. Sasuke may seem ooc in this and its because I am still trying to figure out how to write a Sasuke that retains his canon personality while still not being quite as bad because he hasn't experienced any of the tragedy his canon counterpart has.
> 
> 2\. Some bits of this show Sasuke being really possessive of Naruto bc tbh their canon dynamic is low key unhealthily codependent and I had to show that somehow on this as well? I hope it came across as Sasuke being a really clingy friend who doesn't realize what he is actually feeling is jealousy and not as a possessive douche bag who is out to make his best friend miserable bc that was CERTAINLY not the intention.
> 
> 3\. I hope this doesn't seem rushed? Its hard to fit decades of friendship into a few snapshots, my writing is a work in progress, finding a good pace is something I struggle with. Well tbh I struggle with a lot of aspects of writing but welp.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed it!


End file.
